The Red Thread

The Red Thread

A Introspective Collection of Life Observations



    Posts : 87
    Join date : 2009-07-07
    Age : 63
    Location : 3 seconds to the Moon


    Post by Pegasus on Fri Apr 01, 2016 9:41 am

    He was my Twin Soul, my best friend and last October he died. He was a tortured man, bipolar, and it drove him to self-medicate. And over time he became an addict. I begged, I pleaded, I took care of him when he was ill. I gave him tough love. But in the end, the addiction won. Bipolar disorder is a horrible condition. It slowly eats away at your ability to see reality. Like a cancer it creeps into your brain, an insidious parasite devouring more and more of who you are until you cannot distinguish truth from fantasy. You cannot trust anything you do or see because you cannot percieve what is real. And the meds for it don't always work. That so many bipolor victims become addicts is not surprising. The greatest tragedy, however, is how society turns a blind eye; how many turn away in disgust, throw up their hands in surrender and toss these victims to the wind. How many mentally ill wind up in jail or out in the street? How many become alcoholics because the booze is cheaper than the meds or the high and mighty shrink bills? He died last October, alone in his apartment, dead for days before anyone knew that he had passed. He begged for help from the local hospital and they ignored him. They put a bandaid on his fatal wounds and sent him home. He needed long term care but the cost was devastating. Once the addiction took over his reality became that next bottle. It was solid and concrete, He could count on it to be there. When all else failed the booze took care of the pain. THAT was his reality. It gave him peace. And in the end he got what he needed.

    He will never know how much we all loved him and didn't want it to end like this. I can only hope, that whereever he is now, it is a better place. Rest in peace mo anam cara....


    Black screen, smoke in mist,
    I hear your voice
    But cannot see you.
    Make the choice
    To keep moving forward
    Through the dark,
    Without spark,
    I stumble, fall
    Till I hit the wall.
    You’re on the other side,
    Up in the Tower,
    But you have power!
    “Run!” I cry. “Come down!”
    But you ask, “Why?”
    And it resounds
    Within my soul
    Piercing heart and glancing bone.
    And I begin to hear the
    Word “Alone…”
    Can you not see
    The prison, love?
    The cold dank walls
    Up above?
    There is no guard, no door
    No chains, ‘cept those
    Of your making.
    My heart is breaking
    Because I cannot climb that wall.
    Glance up one last time.
    “Goodbye!” I cry then wave,
    Not ready for the grave
    Outcome of self-destruction.
    I wanted “two” instead of “one”
    But I can’t bear the fire, desire
    To succumb… To waste
    Another minute in it…
    I’m bleeding as it is.
    One of us has to live.
    I turn and walk away.
    Stumbling blind
    Yet hoping to find
    The light of day
    That I once knew
    To light the way.
    Feel my soul rip in half
    As I tread the path.
    Back to the place
    I knew before you…
    Lesson learned, won’t get
    Burned… again.
    Farewell my love.
    I’ll say I knew you when
    You made me dance
    Then glance
    … Away…
    Hoping for a better day,
    A better love, a better life.
    I’ll pray…..

    "I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches." ~Alice Roosevelt Longworth

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